Cyber Bullies Part 3
When we do classes and seminars on bullying, we feel that it's important to let people know who bullies really are and what makes them tick. There is so much more to being a bully than simply being mean to someone else.
Who is a bully? First of all, people who bully are often people who have (often secretly) low self-esteem and they turn to bullying to hide their perceived inadequacies. They do this by pointing out inadequacies in other people and trying to get people to fear them.
Bullies often also look for ways to avoid responsibility for their actions or have simply never been taught that there are consequences to certain actions. Often times they are clever enough to avoid being caught by anyone who might force them to face the consequences.
They also lack empathy which means they are unable to see the true effects of their behavior on other people, such as so-called "mean girls" who use their relationship powers to control, exclude and otherwise torment others in terms of relational issues. In addition, they are good at creating conflict between other people and like to know that they have the "power" to force others into a conflict and then they like to sit back and watch it play out.
Some bullies also often have aggression issues and often don’t have the skills to handle conflict without resorting to this aggression. This often what you see when you think of the typical male bully who "roughs up" those who are physically smaller and weaker than himself.
Other common characteristics of bullies is that they have often been bullied themselves either by a peer or parent (as in different forms of child abuse), they often have poor relationships with their parents or guardians and they are not well supervised by their caregivers. Bullies are often people who have suffered rejection at some point in their lives. They are also more likely to be involved in substance abuse and smoking and are more likely to suffer from depression than their peers who do not bully others.
How are cyber-bullies different than traditional bullies? While traditional bullies are more often males, cyber-bullies are equally male and female. They are often from affluent communities that often have high speed internet access. They can be "real-life" bullies as well, but people who would not bully someone in real life often finds it easy to bully someone in cyberspace, so you find people cyber-bullying that you wouldn't expect to bully another person.
What role does anonymity play in cyber-bullying? Many children and teens feel that the anonymity of the internet is a protective barrier to keep them from being caught. This anonymity gives many children and teens the confidence they need to say and do things they wouldn't dream of doing in real life - and certainly things they'd be embarrassed about if the adults in their life knew they were saying and doing. The issue with the internet is they don't feel like anyone will ever find out so they think it's okay to do.
Along the same lines of anonymity is the concept of "You can't see me, I can't see you." The fact that they cannot see the emotions and reactions of the person they are bullying so they often get out of control or cross lines they wouldn't cross if they could see how their actions actually affect the other person.
What kinds of relationships to cyber-bullies have with their victims? This is a vast and varied characteristic of cyber-bullying. For example, the victim can be a friend or former friend, a school mate, someone they've met on one or a few occasions or a complete stranger that they've met in chat rooms.
Cyber Bullies Part 2
